I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This house was built for laser tag.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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