I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
