I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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