Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
