Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
