About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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