I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
