people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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