This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
