I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Rumble strips road head = magical
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
