Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
