omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
