party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Randomize
