so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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