When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
