I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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