I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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