at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
