so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
