Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
