so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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