My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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