By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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