Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
