guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
