I'm eating all of the evidence.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
