An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
