i would punch a child for taco bell
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Enjoy the penises
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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