i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She announced her abortion via fbk
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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