come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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