I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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