you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
