Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
