Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
