So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
