Soap is not a condiment
please come you make the beer taste better
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
