Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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