Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
