Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
