I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
