Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
