i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
two words: eviction party
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
