just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
