Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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