You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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