if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
