she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
