my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
