You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
