nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
