this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
