Betty ford says i'm here all night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
