I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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