Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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