something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
