I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
