Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
