We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
