Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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