your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
