my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
