im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
